Brand building through storytelling

My Mother – My Mom

My Mom COTMy Mother’s Earrings

Decided to wear my mother’s earrings while visiting the city we lived in when I was a child. I haven’t been there in such a long time, wearing her earrings somehow helped me feel connected to her. While in that city I was in awwww of the memories that began to renew my senses again, my smiles of a young little girl in her Dodge Colt, driving around town, her being a single mom in the 70s, the joy it gave me, good times.

While wearing her earrings I felt her love, power, hugs. I miss my mom soooo much, she really did mean everything to me. Whenever I hear the song “Fragile” by Sting I think of her, the beach the sand the ocean. She gave me the wisdom to fight, fight for yourself because there’s only one you. Kind of hard at times to grasp, life’s up and down the feeling of being alone, abandoned, no phone calls from her or conversations about who was on Oprah today.

At 31 I became motherless, since I was my mother’s only child it hit me hard. I slept with her blanket after she passed for about 1-2 months. She spent most of her last days in the hospital, I howled a big cry when she took her last breath, my hand was in hers and I didn’t let go until I felt she reached her destination, Heaven.

Sad part is, she’s gone,can’t get her back. But her earrings, her pictures, her videos of the sound of her laugh it’s what I hold onto. My daughters miss her greatly too, they cry for not having a grandmother to shop at the mall with them to help pick out a prom dress like the rest of there friends do, they cry because they want to take a little drive with her to Burger King or pick out the latest DVD new releases at Blockbuster.

She made a pact with her siblings (my aunt and uncle)when she died, to look after me. In the hospital room time and time again she made them promise her in front of me to make sure if I needed anything to keep in touch. Well to my surprise not only did they not keep my mom’s promise they detached themselves from me entirely. When she died I was like dead to them, along with my children. I tried, tried and tried for YEARS to get there attention to get a hug, love a card a happy birthday but NOTHING.

Almost 4 months after my mother’s passing I lost an aunt, not my mothers sister, but my all time favorite auntie in a car accident, then 2 months later my mother’s nephew died in a car accident as well.

I think back, but then I don’t and despite the circumstances family members just didn’t hold up to there end of the bargain. I gave it my all my darnest to stay connected to them, but the truth was my families I once thought I had were gone too, but over these past seven years the emotions, feelings and abandonment has eaten away at my insides. I let allot of hate, rage and anger towards them fester inside of me “How dare they do this to me! My kids and my mother’s legacy.” When co-workers would ask what are you doing for the holidays, I would answer might spend time with the family, but that was a big fat lie, on the inside I wanted to tell them that my life is a complicated mess especially when it comes to my families. For seven long years I have missed my mom dearly, confused and in a daze and will continue to do so, but I’ve allowed the love, warmth and sunshine in because of my own children. There’s allot of stuff that I’m over compensating for with my own children, but it’s to be expected. What I lacked from my mother, I give to my kids. My mom was not perfect, but any means, but she was my mom and I loved her.

So when I touch my ears because I’m wearing my mother’s earrings, I feel her love, her hugs and her smile. I think of the ocean, the sand the wind and her wonderful smile : ) My mom died when she was 49 yrs old and in eight more days it will be her birthday she would have been 56 yrs old. I still get sad, just because I would love to hug her, even though she wasn?t the huggie kind of mom, I would always force a hug on her and make her smile. And I still wish I can pick up the phone and ask her what she’s doing for her b-day, she was the traveling type not a homemaker kind of mom like me. She loved to live life to the fullest, and never really cared about what anybody thought about her.

Posted by Cup of Tea



Previously posted comments:

Comment
Rona Maynard
June 12, 2010 at 8:08AM

Well, Cup of Tea, you and I share a bond. I also treasure a pair of earrings that belonged to my mother—Mexican silver, in a figure-eight design. My mother traveled to Mexico every year, always haggling hard for choice pieces of silver by local craftsmen. The earrings she left to me were among her loveliest purchases, yet because they’re screw-backed and I don’t have pierced ears, I hardly ever wear them for fear of losing my keepsake.

Thank you for posting your mother’s story here, with such a poignant photo of the little-girl you enchanted by her mom’s smile. I’m sorry to hear that after losing the woman who found you, you also lost her relatives. Sometimes in a family, one person holds the clan together and things fall apart when she’s gone. We don’t get to choose our families, so thank goodness we can choose our friends. I hope you’ve surrounded yourself with people whose support, encouragement and love make them a true family of choice.

Comment
Claudette Sandecki
June 14, 2010 at 8:08AM

Rona, I’m astonished to read you don’t have pierced ears.

Why the holdout?

Reply
Rona Maynard
June 14, 2010 at 9:09 AM

Funny you should ask, Claudette. In my teens I was determined to pierce my ears. All my friends were doing it, mostly for each other other with needles and candles. My mother was appalled—not because of possible infection but because, as she put it, “getting your ears pierced is like losing your virginity.” Ridiculous, no? I argued and scoffed. But I never did get my ears pierced. And as a result I’ve lost countless earrings.

Comment
Donna Champion
June 14, 2010 at 5:05PM

Dear Cup of Tea,
You are about the same age as my daughter, and I am the same age your mother would be today. I, too, was a single mother in the ’70s and ’80s, trying to rear my daughter as best I could while working and putting myself through college and graduate school.

I often wonder what it will be like for my daughter, an only child with two children of her own, when I am no longer with her. I can tell you this: Your mom’s love is with you now and will always be with you. When you find moments of strength in your life and you don’t know where it’s coming from, that is your mom’s love, lifting you up. The power of love is infinite. She is with you.

Perhaps you remind your mother’s siblings too much of her. Perhaps you are a painful reminder of their loss. They may not even be aware of this, but their actions (or lack of them) are still hurtful to you. However, Rona is right– create your own family. This is what I would tell my daughter. Surround yourself with those who give you the love of a mother and who allow you to love them in return. You will know that love when you find it.

Comment
Cup of Tea
June 16, 2010 at 9:09PM

Hi Rona, thanks for posting a reply to my story about my mom, when she was here on earth, boy was she crazy about her earrings she loved them all. There really is only one pair of earrings I like to wear and they?re small silver ones with little studs in the middle they?re really cute : ) and it?s really nice to surround yourself around people who show you love and it?s ok that it?s your friends. It?s nice that you have this website; it has helped me see and look at things in a different way. Thank You!!!

Hi Donna, thanks for your post too! I cried a bit after I read your post, it hit home with me. Especially the part about the love that surrounds me is still my mom. As tomorrow is her birthday I celebrate her love, her spirit and joy she gave me, and as you said it?s really has never left me. When my kids or I are feeling a little down then I get this burst of energy and inner strength I can now say it?s her being with me, we didn?t have a perfect mother daughter relationship, but she was my mom and I loved her and still do. Thanks again for your kind words and congratulations for going to college, and then graduate school, no easy task being a single mommy. Enjoy every wonderful moment with your daughter and grandchildren because in the scope of things they are an extension of you.

Leave a Reply

Stay up-to-date with Rona.

To see what’s on my mind these days, friend me on Facebook.

Miss my old site?

Visit the archive to find your favorite blog posts and Chatelaine editorials or browse my published articles. Sorry, I’m not blogging anymore.