Brand building through storytelling

Things I’m smart enough not to believe anymore

Everyone’s got a mental museum where the discarded beliefsof a lifetime gather dust. Welcome to mine. Step right up! I’m not embarrassed in the least.

* The most important American founding father, leaving even George Washington in the dust, is Richard Stands, whose name I repeat every morning in school with my hand over my heart: “…and to the republic for Richard Stands.”

* Topo Gigio, Ed Sullivan‘s talking mouse with the Italian accent, is cute when he trills, “Keesa me good night, Edd–ee!”

* People die in order of seniority—oldest first.

* The most embarrassing thing a girl can do is allow herself to be seen with dirty hair.

* If your period starts without warning and you notice a stain on your backside, you should pretend this hasn’t happened to you.

* The Beatles are a fad. Joan Baez is way more important.

* Once you escape from the prison of high school, you’ll never think about your fellow inmates again.

* Your identity is your own creation. Your family has nothing to do with it.

* A nightgown makes a cool substitute for an evening dress (which only a suburbanite would have in her closet).

* You know you’ve met The One when you want to be with him every minute of the day.

* It can’t be love if you fight with him.

* The first fashion purchase a woman should make every winter is a sexy pair of leather boots with heels, which she will wear every day come snow, sleet or salt.

* A man will change his annoying habits if you get on his case every day.

* If you really make an effort, you can raise a child who can’t stand the taste of sugar and will never ask why you keep eating the stuff.

* A floor-length dress in orange, pink and midnight blue makes an appropriate statement for a job interview.

* Only a wimp knuckles under when overruled by the boss.

* Botox will never catch on. Who wants botulism toxin shot into her face?

* The way to help a friend who complains about her insensitive husband is to tell her flat out, “You’d better dump him.”

* You know you’ve arrived when you see something pretty in a store window and pop in to buy it, just because you can.

* The smart thing to do with the proceeds of a downsizing is invest it in the market.

* Barack Obama is a fad. Hillary Clinton has more heft.

* The first thing you should say to an old acquaintance you’re meeting for the first time in years is “How’s Fred?” (or whoever she married and might have dumped—or lost—by now).

Posted by Rona

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